In the last week, that same family member is found to have had not one, but two accounts on Ashley Madison, a website whose sole purpose is to provide extramarital sexual affairs. Once again, his family has downplayed his despicable behavior and his wife even blames herself. As a logical, mostly decent person, I can't fathom how. Josh Duggar is a pervert, a pedophile, and a philanderer - it's who he is as a person and nothing she did made him that way, short of turning a blind eye to his atrocious behavior. Bogus public apologies aside, he'll have a lot to answer for when he comes before the God whose name he's abused so many times.
In a fact so overwhelming that it almost ceases to surprise, Duggar is just one of 34 million registered users - that's more than four times the population of New York City. Is it possible that there are 34 million people living in unhappy marriages? I doubt it. Certainly the vast majority probably are, perhaps without even realizing it, but what it comes down to more than anything are a few key points:
- America's morals are at the lowest point they've been in for years. Lust and infidelity are glorified in all forms of media, becoming nearly unavoidable. The most popular TV shows and soulless pop music glorify a lifestyle of sleeping around, regardless of whether someone is married.
- The kids who came of age in the 1980s have been called "The Me Generation," but the 21st Century has seen that claim laid to waste. Never before has there been such a proliferation of selfish behavior that demands instant gratification. More than ever, people want something and they want it now, damn it, no matter the consequence.
- Marriage has been relegated into the category of "everyone should do it at least once." My grandparents' generation was the last to believe wholeheartedly in marriage being a lifelong commitment. Since the late 1970s, more than 50% of all marriages fail. Many with good reason: spousal abuse and infidelity have always been there, and many of the older generation stayed in loveless marriages when they shouldn't have. In this day and age, though, it's easy for someone to marry in the heat of passion and divorce the other months or even weeks later, with no worries to their reputation or sense of decency.
The term "entitlement" gets tossed around a lot today, sometimes with good cause, sometimes not. But what else could it be that drove 34 million people to become liars, cheats, and lousy spouses? 'My wife doesn't understand me'... 'My husband works too many hours'... 'It's only sex, I still love her'... and whatever other excuses one makes to one's self to justify the sense that we should be able to be sexually satisfied no matter what the cost. It's human nature - we're entitled to happiness, right? Wrong. Not when it's at the expense of those we've made a vow to love, honor, and treasure 'til death do us part.
I've been blessed to be married for just over four years. My wife - a beautiful, intelligent, feisty, passionate, honest, hard-working, amazing woman - is there for me through thick and thin. She herself was the victim of bad things in her first marriage, and that makes me mad every time I think of it. But I also appreciate that she needs me to be there for her, too. It's not always easy; marriage takes work and commitment and you don't always get along or even like each other that much. But where there is love, there is hope for a marriage. 95% or more of our days are great together, making the blips on the radar worth it. She's my soul mate and I treasure her.
Sadly, until America wakes up from its moral slumber, and until the Sacrament of Marriage is taken more seriously, websites like Ashley Madison will always exist, sometimes even flourish. More and more people will get hurt by the selfish behavior of their husbands and wives. Society must wake up to the blessing we have in the form of lifelong commitment to the ones we love.
