Our beliefs and morals are shaped both by our surroundings and experiences. I have to tell you, then, that I am more certain of my pro-life stance than ever before. There's a darn good reason: my wife suffered a miscarriage this week.
From the beginning of our relationship, we've never planned on having more children (she has two from before we met). I've had the privilege of being their Dad, of helping raise a beautiful daughter and handsome son, both of whom are funny, intelligent, and kind. She's 11 and he'll be seven next month, bringing them both to the point of needing less supervision than before. It won't be too many more years before we can go on overnight trips and leave them home.
We bought our first (and hopefully last) home this Spring. It's a beautiful home and offers everything we need. However, it needs a few upgrades - new kitchen counters and backsplash, tearing up carpeting and refinishing the wood floors, and the like - and that's how we planned to spend or money for the next couple years.
Then, last week after not feeling well for a few days and exhibiting several tell-tale signs of being with child, she took a home pregnancy test... double pink lines. Pregnant. Unplanned. Shocking. Why now? How can we afford it? What do we need to do to get the house ready? Newer, larger vehicle, baby gates, diapers, daycare... Any parent out there knows these thoughts all too well.
I admit that my initial reaction involved several four-letter words and large amounts of disbelief. I wasn't sure I was happy. I wasn't sad, though, either. For the first 24 hours I had no idea how to feel. This was a new situation for me, one for which I was completely unprepared.
Then it happened: as we told close friends & family, followed by a very public announcement on Facebook, something clicked. I knew I was okay with it and even started to look forward to it. And I have to say, seeing my wife so unbelievably happy to be a Mom again cemented the deal for me. I can't put into words how great of a Mom she is - it's one of the qualities that first attracted me to her and earned my respect - and I know she'll be just as good to future children.
I don't need to put details of hospital visits and blood tests here, those are unimportant to the story. What is important is the emotions we felt this afternoon, laying in bed and weeping together, taking turns holding one another and consoling one another. A deep grief, one formed so quickly about events that took place in the course of only just over a week swept over us. A grief for the life we helped create being taken so quickly from us, months before we even had the opportunity to say, "Hello, little baby, welcome to the world. We love you!"
This brings me to the issue of abortion, of terminating a ball of tissue that will one day be a living, breathing miracle of creation. We didn't have the choice - Mother Nature chose for us, and it's a choice I'm incredibly angry at and saddened by. As the father of that future person, I can tell you that I see the issue in a whole new light. To say that it's a strictly a women's rights issue is not fully true, because it leaves 50% of the parenting team out of the equation and in the cases of the fathers who want to be Dads, I don't believe that's right.
Now, you can agree with me or disagree. It makes no difference. I realize the law is what it is and it's not likely to be changed. That said, I don't think many of those who are pro-choice have suffered this kind of loss. It's awful, and we didn't do it on purpose. To do so by one's choice will change your life forever, believe me. There's an empty space in our hearts right now. I cannot fathom how someone could choose to end a life which you have helped create. For those who are in a situation where they feel that is their best or only option, I pray for you, and I ask others to do the same.
