And then there were... still too many.

At last, the 2016 GOP field is whittling itself down: Huckabee and Santorum represented the lunatic fringe, the screwballs who thought that some philandering county clerk from Kentucky somehow represented the moral authority. Chris Christie was a ball of fire but blazed out quickly, Carly Fiorina had far too much corporate baggage, Rand Paul could never live up to his father's rebel standards... surely I'm forgetting someone? Who knows.

What are we left with, though? Are there really any candidates who are not only for a traditional conservative belief system but still manage to garner support from the infamous Mushball Middle? The tangerine-skinned real-estate mogul is leading the polls in the Republican field but is far too uncouth and opinionated to capture the hearts of most Americans. Besides, he donated to Hillary Clinton's Senate campaign and voted for Obama. Conservative? Nope - fraud.

Little Marco Rubio is an alright guy but I believe he suffers from the same symptom that is also one of Barry Obama's biggest downfalls: inexperience. He's also not quick on his feet during speeches, leading many (including myself) to wonder if he could go toe-to-toe with political and international foes. Ohio's Governor Kasich has done a decent job in his state as a now two-term governor and may yet provide a few surprises but so far hasn't inspired too much widespread support outside of New Hampshire.

Then there's George and Barbara's son John Ellis Bush - Jeb to the rest of us. Years ago I thought the GOP ran the wrong brother for president. With his record of being tough on crime and fiscally conservative, yet appealing to Latino voters and everyday folk, Florida's Governor seemed to, well, have it more together than George W. Bush. Now, a decade and a half later, his campaign (one that has failed to garner much enthusiasm) seems stalled. He's practical, comparatively soft spoken, and almost seems uncomfortable in the spotlight... he's the anti-Trump.

Finally we arrive in the Lonestar State with a rogue Canadian-born Cuban-American with a cocksure demeanor and a way of irritating both Liberals and some within his own party. Rafael Edward Cruz is probably the most dyed-in-the-wool Conservative candidate. He seems to have a distinct vision for where he wants to take America and doesn't give a darn if you like him or not. And that may be the problem: while he's got the decency to not play the populist vote (ahem, Oompa Loompa from New York, we're looking at you), he has thus far proven to be more polarizing than most. Yet, I kinda like the guy...

None of these choices are ideal, yet they still seem more respectable that a pseudo-feminist who voted for the Iraq War and is funded by the Top One Percent, yet claims to be for "the little guy" out there. Oh, and she got people slaughtered in Libya and didn't give a damn. Anyone who thinks Hillary Clinton cares about anyone but herself is foolishly misguided (at best). Hillary Clinton ought to be a synonym for evil in the dictionary.

And Bern? Well, there's a man whose leadership on Veteran's Affairs lead to the suffering (and in some cases, deaths) of our brave men and women returning from the Middle East in V.A. facilities, who has never had one bill passed during decades in the Senate, and who believes in pitting the haves and have-nots against one another in what would become all-out Class Warfare under his presidency. He has more integrity than Hillary, but so did Pol Pot, Idi Amin, and Joseph Stalin. If anyone wants to see our country go for broke, he's the guy to get us there.

If ever there was a case of being caught between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea, the 2016 election is turning out to be that time.

2015: Out like a tamed lion...

I feel like I should reflect back on another year but don't know where to begin, or if it's even relevant. Does anyone else feel the same? I mean, other than the earth taking another trip around the sun, what's changed? My household has had its share of ups & downs this year but we're probably no different from anyone else. Each person's conditions and lives are unique, true, but happiness and grief go on across the world every moment of every day.

Focusing on the negative comes easy, at least to me. My grandmother died late this fall and that was a huge loss, though not unexpected. She was 90 and in poor health for several years. Even so, she was a beloved woman whose kindness and intelligence positively impacted everyone she knew. Not a lot of us can say that about ourselves or most folks we know.

April suffered a miscarriage on an unplanned but welcome pregnancy. We'd never wanted more kids but when presented with the circumstance, it was filled with joy. The after-effects are still felt.

But through these events we had the love and support of family, friends and acquaintances in ways we hadn't expected. Folks were genuinely supportive and it made the grief and loss a bit more bearable. To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, "A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." Thank you to my friends & family who are there for me.

2015 is also the year we've recommitted ourselves to the Church, to our Catholic faith, which has also been a source of strength during rough times and contributing factor during good times, too. Those who know me in person will tell you I'm not preachy regarding my faith, that I don't find anyone else's particular denomination or faith to be "less than" my own. I converted at age 21 for my sake, no one else's. Both kids are now involved in our parish's youth programs, April teaches Elijah's class, and I'm sponsoring my Dad in RCIA.

The biggest financial news was, of course, purchasing our first home. We'd rented for the the previous four and a half years and while having a landlord to fix little or big things that went wrong was great, owning a home is a privilege I'm extremely grateful for. The house is beautiful and we're looking forward to raising our kids and growing old here.

My kids have both grown so much physically and intellectually, being at or near the top of their respective classes in various subjects. My daughter's musicianship has blossomed and Elijah has turned out to have a passion for mathematics and numbers (something I always struggled with in school). Being their father is an honor.

I rediscovered my love and respect for my wife this year. Now before you read too much in to that, I must clarify that I've always loved and respected her. But as those who've been married or in long term relationships can attest, life can turn into a routine and a loving relationship can, for lack of a better term, coast along. Maybe it's more accurate to say 2015 is the year I've fallen for her all over again and developed a greater appreciation for her beauty, intelligence, love, and all her other qualities.

It's been a banner year for my music collection. I've acquired more than 70 vinyl records, not including the 33 1/3 and 78rpm records my grandparents gave me. Many CDs made their way into my home, too, and I've expanded my musical palette to include artists I previously wouldn't have thought (Wilco and Elvis Costello come to mind). Music has always been my passion to discuss, write about, and spend time with, so I'm incredibly thankful for what I've got.

So there's been much to celebrate this year in my household. I wish the best for you all as one year closes and another opens, full of possibility and promise. Happy New Year to us all.  

Help Must Be Offered... but at what price?

I don't know how to feel about the Syrian Refugee Crisis, how to deal with it and comprehend it, and I bet I'm not alone.

Many liberals are saying to allow any and all of the refugees in to the West, not just the USA; Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (son of Pierre, the PM of Canada who did more damage to the country's economy and reputation than any before him, and Margaret, his much younger wife who liked to party with The Rolling Stones) wants to bring 25,000 refugees to Canada by the end of 2015. Chief Empty Suit President Obama has made similar, though less demanding, claims of allowing mass numbers of Syrians across our borders. 

Some conservatives, such as Donald Trump, want to turn them all away and let the sharks feed on them. Others say they feel bad but send them elsewhere or keep them in refugee camps, they're someone else's problem. Several governors have denied them access to even entering their state. 

The current political disputes over what to do with refugees overshadow the history of why they're fleeing to begin with. The (extremely) short version is when Syrian civilians began a peaceful protest in the Spring of 2011, the situation spiraled out of control quickly when the government responded with torture and murder. Syrian President Bashar al-Assad was once seen as someone who might bring positive reform for free speech and human rights but is the one who ordered the crackdowns and shows no sign of advancing anyone's rights but his own.

Four and a half years later, the country remains engulfed in a Civil War and is divided into territories controlled by Assad, rebel fighters, and terrorists. Because our Civil War happened in the century before last, we as Americans cannot empathize with the plight of these refugees. For as much as we disagree with many of our politicians, we don't feel the need to risk life and limb on the ocean to escape.

Like so many around the world, my heart ached when I read the story of Abdullah Kurdi, whose wife and two young boys (aged three and five) drowned off the coast of Turkey. Images of families fleeing their war-torn homeland dominated this past Autumn's news. Living in an average small American town with a minimal crime rate and where my biggest complaints about the local government are raising taxes and not plowing my road well enough in the winter, I cannot fathom what these people are going through. Hell on Earth for most of them, I imagine. 

But then there's ISIS. The Jihadi Johns of the world (well, not him anymore), cut from the same ilk who flew into the World Trade Center, who arrive in public squares in their own towns to blow up innocent children, and who most recently staged a multi-faceted attack across Paris. These monsters will use any extreme methods of brutality to wreak havoc on the free and civilized world. We have good reason to believe they might have, or soon will, enter America.

How does that affect how we should react to refugees who want to enter our border? When they originally began their flight to Turkey (by the hundreds, not hundred-thousands), they were made to register themselves. I don't know by what means - physical ID, government papers, etc., or simply a declaration of name and origin. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for the same when entering America: proof of one's identity and background checks to help ensure you are who you say you are. But we can't even properly document illegal aliens from other countries, let alone political refugees from Eurasia.  

I'll end this article the same way it began: I don't know how to feel. A balance must be reached between an open-door policy and protecting our citizens. These people, innocents driven from their homes and suffering unbearable hardships, need help...it just cannot be at the cost of American lives.

Thank You

I'm looking out the window at a beautiful backyard as the first snowfall of the Autumn / Winter of 2015-16 commences. I have a cup of strong Italian Roast coffee next to me, my family is playing on electronic gaming devices, and my dogs are lazy & content. Life is pretty darn good at the moment.

My posts on this blog have so far leaned toward the negative, or at least not been overwhelmingly happy. I even had a different topic picked for this post which followed suit. Instead, I feel the need to express gratitude for the good things in my life.

The latter half of 2015 has been a bit rough (a miscarriage, loss of a grandparent, and a close family member's health problems). Despite these, there have been - and continue to be - blessings in my life.

• We bought a house this Spring. I'm not bragging, but it's a beautiful house we now call home. We live in a good neighborhood and have a permanent space to call our own, to raise children in, to grow old in. 
• 
  
• My kids have done exceptionally well this year both personally and professionally; yes, I consider school to be their profession. Each is at or near the top of their class in several subjects and both have established friendships. Maddie continues to astonish with her musical ability and writing skills, and Elijah began Cub Scouts, a path I began at his age and followed to Eagle Scout. 
• 
  
• I've been able to expand my music collection further than perhaps any other year. I've discovered some hidden gems by artists I like as well as discovering new music to fill my ears. Good music has been a constant companion for many years now (bordering on obsessive to some) and it's something I feel has enriched my life.  
• 
  
• We've recommitted ourselves to our faith. This happened not long before this Fall's issues and has been quietly instrumental in sustaining my mental health through difficult times. We're supporting our kids' faith formation, and I'm my Dad's sponsor in RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation of Adults). At 66 and after 50 years away, he's made the choice to join the church and allowed me the privilege of taking the journey with him.
• 
  
• My relationship with my wife is stronger than it's been in years, perhaps ever. Through adversity comes strength and our loss a couple months ago has made me love, respect, and appreciate her more than I knew I could. 
• 
  
• Family & friends have been nothing but supportive though everything. In the hum-drum of day-to-day life, it's easy to forget how fortunate I am when it comes to what a great support system my family and I have.

I didn't mean to make a Thanksgiving post, but with the holiday coming next week, I guess that's what was on my mind. So to my American friends and family, Happy Thanksgiving, and to those around the world, I wish for happiness and goodness in your lives. Thanks for being there for me.

"The days I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations... Well, I have really good days." - Ray Wylie Hubbard

A Life Well Lived

My Grandma died on October 21, 2015.

She was 90, so it's not as if she was denied a long life; she had Alzheimer's, so the mind of a fiercely intelligent woman was all but gone, as were most of her physical abilities. She passed with family and friends by her side, so she thankfully didn't die alone.

A simple, beautiful memorial service was held last week at a small Mennonite church in Toronto. It was a comfort to see the room overflowing with people who came to pay their last respects, to honor the life of a woman who'd done so much for them. Growing up 400 miles away in a different country, I never had the opportunity to get to know my Grandma's day-to-day routines, but I always knew what a special lady she was. I just had no clue how many others felt the same way.

Agnes Mary Stewart Ford was the second of nine children and when her older brother George died in WWII, that left her as the eldest. She was one of those rare people who nearly everyone who met her liked her, and her soft-spoken nature would become a pillar of strength and respect in her large extended family.

She loved God & her family fiercely. She and my Grandpa, Fred Billedeau, were deeply involved in the church, and after he died (young, at 66 in 1993), she not only remained active, but assumed some of his duties as well. No one could quite figure out how she did it, and at times the physical strain showed, but she remained an active member of the community until forced into hospitalization, then a nursing home, in her late 80s.

Agnes was a loving Grandma; she always had words of love and encouragement, and showed an interest in what her grandchildren were up to (that, at least, is my experience). I looked forward to holiday and birthday cards, as most who knew her did, because each was picked after careful consideration for its recipient and filled with a personal, hand-written message.

She was slow to anger and rarely lost her temper and even in bad situations, by all accounts, never raised her voice (a trait I sadly did not inherit). Respect for others came naturally to her and she, in turn, earned the respect of all who knew her. Following the example set decades before by her own parents, if someone was in need, she would help in any way possible.

90 years of living cannot possibly be summed up in one short essay, so let me say this: I did not write this in mourning or looking for sympathy, but as a tribute and a meditation on how we live our lives by using her as a shining example of goodness. And that's exactly what my grandmother was: Good. As a sister, daughter, wife, mother,grandmother, aunt, friend, member of her community and the world at large, she was a good person. She's one of the few people I've met who I am certain made it directly to Heaven to be reunited with family and friends gone before her.

At the end of our own lifetimes, we should all hope to be remembered the same way.  

Loss and Grief during a difficult time...

Our beliefs and morals are shaped both by our surroundings and experiences. I have to tell you, then, that I am more certain of my pro-life stance than ever before. There's a darn good reason: my wife suffered a miscarriage this week.

From the beginning of our relationship, we've never planned on having more children (she has two from before we met). I've had the privilege of being their Dad, of helping raise a beautiful daughter and handsome son, both of whom are funny, intelligent, and kind. She's 11 and he'll be seven next month, bringing them both to the point of needing less supervision than before. It won't be too many more years before we can go on overnight trips and leave them home.

We bought our first (and hopefully last) home this Spring. It's a beautiful home and offers everything we need. However, it needs a few upgrades - new kitchen counters and backsplash, tearing up carpeting and refinishing the wood floors, and the like - and that's how we planned to spend or money for the next couple years.

Then, last week after not feeling well for a few days and exhibiting several tell-tale signs of being with child, she took a home pregnancy test... double pink lines. Pregnant. Unplanned. Shocking. Why now? How can we afford it? What do we need to do to get the house ready? Newer, larger vehicle, baby gates, diapers, daycare... Any parent out there knows these thoughts all too well.

I admit that my initial reaction involved several four-letter words and large amounts of disbelief. I wasn't sure I was happy. I wasn't sad, though, either. For the first 24 hours I had no idea how to feel. This was a new situation for me, one for which I was completely unprepared.

Then it happened: as we told close friends & family, followed by a very public announcement on Facebook, something clicked. I knew I was okay with it and even started to look forward to it. And I have to say, seeing my wife so unbelievably happy to be a Mom again cemented the deal for me. I can't put into words how great of a Mom she is - it's one of the qualities that first attracted me to her and earned my respect - and I know she'll be just as good to future children.

I don't need to put details of hospital visits and blood tests here, those are unimportant to the story. What is important is the emotions we felt this afternoon, laying in bed and weeping together, taking turns holding one another and consoling one another. A deep grief, one formed so quickly about events that took place in the course of only just over a week swept over us. A grief for the life we helped create being taken so quickly from us, months before we even had the opportunity to say, "Hello, little baby, welcome to the world. We love you!"

This brings me to the issue of abortion, of terminating a ball of tissue that will one day be a living, breathing miracle of creation. We didn't have the choice - Mother Nature chose for us, and it's a choice I'm incredibly angry at and saddened by. As the father of that future person, I can tell you that I see the issue in a whole new light. To say that it's a strictly a women's rights issue is not fully true, because it leaves 50% of the parenting team out of the equation and in the cases of the fathers who want to be Dads, I don't believe that's right.

Now, you can agree with me or disagree. It makes no difference. I realize the law is what it is and it's not likely to be changed. That said, I don't think many of those who are pro-choice have suffered this kind of loss. It's awful, and we didn't do it on purpose. To do so by one's choice will change your life forever, believe me. There's an empty space in our hearts right now. I cannot fathom how someone could choose to end a life which you have helped create. For those who are in a situation where they feel that is their best or only option, I pray for you, and I ask others to do the same.  

Hard Times in the Land of Plenty... of candidates, that is.

I feels hard to be a conservative these days.

It shouldn't be - goals of encouraging more people working and fewer ending up on welfare; having a smaller, less intrusive government; religious freedom; the right for law-abiding citizens to own a gun for hunting and to protect themselves... these are all principles that make sense to me.

Examples of why these principles work can be found everywhere you look. Take this past Labor Day Weekend in Chicago, IL: where the right to legally bear arms has been stripped away, 8 were killed and 46 were wounded in gun violence. In a city so culturally rich and with so much history in shaping America as we know it, this statistic is disheartening.

Then there's the video that went viral recently of a 30-year-old woman who has found every loophole she can in our welfare system and has been receiving government money for 12 years, and who doesn't believe she should ever get a job because she gets a check regularly funded by us. Government assistance was designed to help get people back on their feet during difficult times - job loss, health & medical issues, natural disasters, etc. - and that's a good thing because we should do what we can to help others. But it was designed to be temporary, not as a way of life for the lazy and the sluggish.

And then we come to religious freedom, brought to the forefront of the 2016 Presidential election thanks to the refusal to issue gay marriage licences by a thrice-divorced philanderer who fathered children by one man while married to another. The issue isn't really gay marriage (a divisive issue unto itself), but that's what it's turned in to. The hypocrisy of this lady claiming that gays getting hitched ruins the sanctity of marriage has turned the issue into a three ring circus featuring clowns of all varieties (Republican candidate Mike Huckabee, anyone?).

This brings me to the subject line of this post. Showcasing common-sense conservative values has become almost impossible thanks to the ridiculous amount of Republicans vying for the Presidential nomination. When there are 16 or 17 folks up there, it's hard enough for we conservatives to make a choice, let alone those in the mush-ball middle who may or may not vote Republican. Two have since exited the race: I liked Texas Governor Rick Perry, but losing Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker was no real loss at all to me.

The orange-tinted overgrown Oompa Loompa still leads many polls, but I question the validity of those numbers. We have a strong female candidate in Carly Fiorina, who is gaining but whose professional past is posing difficulties. Governor Jeb Bush is a viable candidate but is plagued both by his name and lack of excitement. And the list goes on and on and on...

I do like Dr. Ben Carson. He's been gaining in the polls and he has a lot of common-sense ideas. His professional reputation is impeccable and he's the embodiment of the American Dream: that despite coming from the hardest neighborhoods and having the odds stacked against them, a person can become a success if he or she is willing to work hard for what they want.

Now, is he the perfect candidate? No, and none of them are. In reality, the only people who see someone as an ideal candidate is the individual running. No candidate will likely ever stand 100% for my values unless I run for office myself. For now, though, he's the candidate for me.