This entry comes about because as I was considering what to write as a quick Facebook post, I realized it would be far too long.
In his book In The Arena: A Memoir of Victory, Defeat, and Renewal, former President Richard Nixon said he believed in the Bible except it got one thing wrong - women are truly the stronger of the two sexes. I'm blessed to have been surrounded, and still am, by strong women in my family. I also married an intelligent, strong woman. Each has earned the respect of family, friends, and peers.
So Happy Mother's Day to the following:
My Mom, Cheryl. I have the best memories of growing up happy. We were fortunate that she got to be a stay-at-home mother until I was around ten and she was such a bedrock for our home. She read constantly to us, worked on arts & crafts, took us on fun trips, she was a Den mother in Cub Scouts for years, and she showered us with love and praise. She is a wonderful Grandma to my kids and continues to be a source of inspiration and help to me, and anyone who needs her.
My phenomenal wife April. One of the first traits I found so attractive in her was what an incredible Mom she was; that has only magnified as time goes by. With each phase of the kids' lives she's adjusted, supported, and cheered them on. I don't think I've met a woman who loves her children as much. It's a tremendous honor to co-parent along side her. I'm a lucky man to have such a great wife, but the kids are even luckier she's their Mom.
My grandmothers, Dorothy Diedrich and Agnes Billedeau. Each raised four children, no easy task, and if you knew some of what my parents and their siblings put their mothers through, you'd nominate them for Sainthood :) In all seriousness, though different in personality and temperament, each of my Grandmas are exceptional role-models. My Grandma Billedeau passed away in October 2015 and the outpouring of love and respect she received afterward was a great compliment. I'm fortunate my Grandma Diedrich is still with us, she's such a wonderful lady and I'm glad my kids have the opportunity to know their Great-Grandma.
(As a quick side note, my great-grandmothers were apparently quite a group, too. It'd be easy to keep going backwards and it would take a long time, but some who read this will remember them. They deserve a shout-out.)
My mother-in law Anita. Many folks have a tepid-to-strained relationship with their spouse's mother but I don't. She's always been kind, helpful, loving, and encouraging to April and I as a couple, and to me as a person. She, too, is a wonderful Grandma to our kids and they're lucky for it.
My sister Amy. She continually give her all to make sure my niece is happy, healthy, and successful. Charli Ann is a lucky little girl.
My aunts, Jan and Kathy. Their kids, my cousins, are all doing exceptionally well in life because of the love, support, and direction their Moms offered them.
The list could go on and on for friends and relatives in my life So many of the women I know are such good mothers. I wish them all the best today and everyday!
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Thursday, December 28, 2017
2017: As the year closes out...
Note: It's been over a year since I used this particular blog. I had the best of intentions but never really followed through. I thought now would be a good time to try & get back into practice with it.
2017. Holy cow.
The tumultuous year of 2017 really began in earnest in 2016 with the election of Donald Trump to be the next POTUS. It seemed like all hell broke loose in the media and across the country (the world, even). His Inauguration on January 20, 2017 marked the end of an era, for sure, and I feel like we're still transitioning as a country eleven months later.
How has Trump done? It's hard to tell, honestly. With all media outlets except Fox News railing against him (and even then, some journalists there are increasingly critical), we never hear anything good about the man. He's obnoxious, boorish, and in my opinion, unqualified to be the leader of the Free World. He's plagued by scandal after scandal yet his ego remains planetary (in public, anyway)... but none of this is news. It began in 2015 when he announced his candidacy. 35% of Republican voters made him their candidate for the 2016 election and had there not been 15 others running, I don't think he'd have gotten the nomination, but that's all history.
I scoff, though, at Americans who say "not my President". He is, like it or not. Many of us didn't vote for Obama but I never used that phrase toward him. Trump likely doesn't represent your values, your vision for the country, or what you stand for, but he's still your President. In fact, given his constant contradictions in speeches, Twitter, and rallies, it's hard to know what he actually stands for other than himself. I don't believe he's going anywhere for the next three years so we as a nation will have to deal with that.
One (perhaps unintended) positive result of his Presidency has been that many people have found their voice both personally and politically. He's encouraged people on both sides of the political spectrum to stand up for their beliefs. Women are speaking up about abuse at the hands of monsters like Harvey Weinstein and Matt Lauer. A so-called Republican who allegedly molested teenage girls when he was in his 30s, and believes Muslims should not hold public office and that women are genetically inferior to men, was beaten in an election in Alabama (though he's still contesting it as of this writing)
Unfortunately it's been a double-edged sword. As an example, for every peaceful protester against the neo-Nazis in Charlottesville, there's another terrorist in the Antifa movement. Countering violence and hate with more violence and hate will not get us anywhere. But many people have no idea how to broach the subject properly. I use this simple meme to sum up this point:
Now that the obligatory political comments have been made, I have to say this year has had a few downs and some incredible highs in my personal life.
In May, I legally adopted my daughter. This actually began six months before when she asked me if I would... you talk about an honor! We took the entire day to celebrate with family at the courthouse and out for a late breakfast afterward. Most step-parents are good at the job and care deeply for their kids. Few, though, get to have their kids officially declared theirs, and fewer still by the kids' choice. My daughter is amazing, simply put, and the joy I felt was unparalleled.
In June we had the opportunity to stay with some of my wife's family in Petosky, MI, enjoying the wonder of Michigan's northern regions. We shared many laughs, the kids had a great time, and we got to have experiences we hadn't done yet. She got to see her dad and young siblings, which made the trip special.
Christmas was a few days ago and we were blessed to provide great gifts for our kids. It was the first time in several years I looked forward to the Holiday and it lived up to expectations.
Both kids, my son and daughter, are doing fantastic in school. He's at the top of his class in several subjects and she has rebounded from a tough year in Grade 7 and has shown what she's capable of in Grade 8. She's also talented musically, playing violin/fiddle and teaching herself piano. He's creative with writing and making his own mini-comic books. They're both witty, kind, smart, and overall good people. As a parent there's little more you can ask for.
Work at my main job was tough this year. At times humiliating and humbling, I've found a bit more purpose there in the last quarter of the year. I had the opportunity to work for about half the year at the local Home Depot, though, and took a lot of joy in that. I'd never really done customer service before and it was a good lesson in how to deal with the public. Most of the experiences were positive, my coworkers and store leadership were open and welcoming, and part of me wishes I'd stayed. Who knows, maybe in the future?
I'm still married! *lol* Married now six-and-a-half years and together for over eight, I'm still fortunate enough to be married to an exceptional woman who loves me for who I am. I treasure her now and always. Thank you, Darling.
There were a lot of good day-to-day happenings and one-off events that I need not bring up. I try to focus less on the macro and more on the micro nowadays, doing the best I can with my friends and family. I honestly think if more people focused on their family and friends, tried to raise their kids right, and did their best to be decent people, we'd be better off. That's not enough for the world, of course, but it would be a start.
So Happy New Year, everyone. Let's make 2018 the best year yet. Many of the shackles of 2017 don't need to weigh us down in the next twelve months. Despite the craziness out there, there are stories everyday of people helping one another, of people coming together in times of crisis. There's lots to hope for, plenty to be thankful for, and maybe we'll each get the chance to do that ourselves in 2018.
2017. Holy cow.
The tumultuous year of 2017 really began in earnest in 2016 with the election of Donald Trump to be the next POTUS. It seemed like all hell broke loose in the media and across the country (the world, even). His Inauguration on January 20, 2017 marked the end of an era, for sure, and I feel like we're still transitioning as a country eleven months later.
How has Trump done? It's hard to tell, honestly. With all media outlets except Fox News railing against him (and even then, some journalists there are increasingly critical), we never hear anything good about the man. He's obnoxious, boorish, and in my opinion, unqualified to be the leader of the Free World. He's plagued by scandal after scandal yet his ego remains planetary (in public, anyway)... but none of this is news. It began in 2015 when he announced his candidacy. 35% of Republican voters made him their candidate for the 2016 election and had there not been 15 others running, I don't think he'd have gotten the nomination, but that's all history.
I scoff, though, at Americans who say "not my President". He is, like it or not. Many of us didn't vote for Obama but I never used that phrase toward him. Trump likely doesn't represent your values, your vision for the country, or what you stand for, but he's still your President. In fact, given his constant contradictions in speeches, Twitter, and rallies, it's hard to know what he actually stands for other than himself. I don't believe he's going anywhere for the next three years so we as a nation will have to deal with that.
One (perhaps unintended) positive result of his Presidency has been that many people have found their voice both personally and politically. He's encouraged people on both sides of the political spectrum to stand up for their beliefs. Women are speaking up about abuse at the hands of monsters like Harvey Weinstein and Matt Lauer. A so-called Republican who allegedly molested teenage girls when he was in his 30s, and believes Muslims should not hold public office and that women are genetically inferior to men, was beaten in an election in Alabama (though he's still contesting it as of this writing)
Unfortunately it's been a double-edged sword. As an example, for every peaceful protester against the neo-Nazis in Charlottesville, there's another terrorist in the Antifa movement. Countering violence and hate with more violence and hate will not get us anywhere. But many people have no idea how to broach the subject properly. I use this simple meme to sum up this point:
Now that the obligatory political comments have been made, I have to say this year has had a few downs and some incredible highs in my personal life.
In May, I legally adopted my daughter. This actually began six months before when she asked me if I would... you talk about an honor! We took the entire day to celebrate with family at the courthouse and out for a late breakfast afterward. Most step-parents are good at the job and care deeply for their kids. Few, though, get to have their kids officially declared theirs, and fewer still by the kids' choice. My daughter is amazing, simply put, and the joy I felt was unparalleled.
In June we had the opportunity to stay with some of my wife's family in Petosky, MI, enjoying the wonder of Michigan's northern regions. We shared many laughs, the kids had a great time, and we got to have experiences we hadn't done yet. She got to see her dad and young siblings, which made the trip special.
Christmas was a few days ago and we were blessed to provide great gifts for our kids. It was the first time in several years I looked forward to the Holiday and it lived up to expectations.
Both kids, my son and daughter, are doing fantastic in school. He's at the top of his class in several subjects and she has rebounded from a tough year in Grade 7 and has shown what she's capable of in Grade 8. She's also talented musically, playing violin/fiddle and teaching herself piano. He's creative with writing and making his own mini-comic books. They're both witty, kind, smart, and overall good people. As a parent there's little more you can ask for.
Work at my main job was tough this year. At times humiliating and humbling, I've found a bit more purpose there in the last quarter of the year. I had the opportunity to work for about half the year at the local Home Depot, though, and took a lot of joy in that. I'd never really done customer service before and it was a good lesson in how to deal with the public. Most of the experiences were positive, my coworkers and store leadership were open and welcoming, and part of me wishes I'd stayed. Who knows, maybe in the future?
I'm still married! *lol* Married now six-and-a-half years and together for over eight, I'm still fortunate enough to be married to an exceptional woman who loves me for who I am. I treasure her now and always. Thank you, Darling.
There were a lot of good day-to-day happenings and one-off events that I need not bring up. I try to focus less on the macro and more on the micro nowadays, doing the best I can with my friends and family. I honestly think if more people focused on their family and friends, tried to raise their kids right, and did their best to be decent people, we'd be better off. That's not enough for the world, of course, but it would be a start.
So Happy New Year, everyone. Let's make 2018 the best year yet. Many of the shackles of 2017 don't need to weigh us down in the next twelve months. Despite the craziness out there, there are stories everyday of people helping one another, of people coming together in times of crisis. There's lots to hope for, plenty to be thankful for, and maybe we'll each get the chance to do that ourselves in 2018.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
President-Elect Trump
Asked a year ago, I never thought Donald Trump was a serious candidate. In the week leading up to the 2016 Republican National Convention, I thought for sure the RNC would find a more suitable, qualified candidate. I'm not a registered Republican but, as a conservative, I prefer to vote along my values, ethics, and morals. No way, no how did I ever consider Trump would actually be a presidential nominee for one of our main political parties.
But it happened and he won the race, making him American President Number 45.
Rehashing his Tweets and verbal jibes would take more space than this blog post can handle, and it's really unnecessary. Reciting the various negative names and descriptions tossed at him would be a similarly daunting task and equally as pointless. This entire campaign has been one giant mudslinging contest and it's finally come to an end... kind of.
It's only the day after and I've already seen a torrent of celebrities and Average Joes alike using phrases such as #notmypresident and #nevermypresident. I hate to break it to them (well, not really), but yes he is (as opposed to "yes we can", ha ha ha). George Walker Bush was your President, just as Barack Hussein Obama was mine, and Donald John Trump is ours. Of all the celebrity Tweets, it was former N*Sync star and current D-List celebrity Lance Bass who gave what I consider a classy concession statement regarding Trump's impending Presidency:
"I totally understand why this country has voted the way it has. The people are not happy. I respect that. Let's all please come together and influence this new President in a positive way. The country is speaking. Let's respect that and try to work together. I will try to influence this new President as much as I can and support them as much as I can. I pray that they believe in equality. I pray that they make this country a place my future children with gay parents can feel safe and thrive. Let us all try to understand why this country is upset. Let's please come together and love one another. We might not agree with everything a candidate supports, but We The People can still make our voices heard and guide this new President in the right direction. We still live in the greatest country in the world. Don't forget that! We are great and we will continue to get better!! #StrongerTogether"
Bass is completely correct: people are tired of the status-quo in Washington and in our government. For the DNC to nominate Hillary Clinton, who has over four decades of scandal, corruption, dishonesty, ill-gained wealth, hypocrisy, and innocent blood on her hands, was foolish. I contend if they'd nominated anyone else, someone with even the slightest bit of integrity who Middle America could believe in, they would've kicked Trump's ass. Instead they nominated a career politician who embodies everything wrong with Washington, D.C.
Regarding President Obama, his terms have seen record amounts of mass killings on American soil; civil unrest rivaling the most heated periods of protest during the Vietnam War; skyrocketing health care costs (made worse by his own "Affordable Care" act); many Millennials have turned into greedy, selfish brats whose feelings are more important than their accomplishments and who want everything given to them; and a level of partisan politics in Washington which has caused the government to be less effective than it's been in decades.
No wonder so many are craving change!
I'll admit to be astonished on many levels, particularly the fact Trump got more votes from ethnic minorities than Mitt Romney did in 2012. After his repeated tirades against Hispanics, threats to stop Muslim immigration, and a plethora of other offensive, boorish statements aimed at women and minorities, I'm surprised he even made it to the RNC Convention, let alone the election. As a white, middle-class man in his mid-thirties, my life experiences differ radically from those who Trump targeted with his statements. While I cannot empathize with how they may feel, I certainly understand their trepidation toward his Presidency.
For those who insist on being melodramatic and threatening a move to Canada: Leave. Get out and don't come back. Conservatives (and many moderates) have fought against President Obama for eight years, preferring to stand up for themselves rather than tucking tail and running. Part of what makes America great (sorry, Trump, it already is) is people standing up for their ideals, taking part in a democratic process. Running and hiding? You might as well be French.
The fact is we'll all survive and get through this. We may even be surprised at his successes, who knows? In Michigan, we elected a non-politician, a businessman, to be our Governor. Economically, we're doing better than we had in the years prior, and Detroit has begun mounting a comeback from 40-plus years of downfall. Trump is a businessman - often successful, sometimes a failure - but he sure isn't a politician. While I don't have a high level of confidence in him, I also cannot foresee his Presidency being as apocalyptic as his most vocal detractors are predicting.
I'd suggest he'll only be a one-term President but I've been wrong about his chances from the get-go. All we can do at this point is pray for the best, expect the worst, and end up somewhere in between. It's sure to be a wild ride.
But it happened and he won the race, making him American President Number 45.
Rehashing his Tweets and verbal jibes would take more space than this blog post can handle, and it's really unnecessary. Reciting the various negative names and descriptions tossed at him would be a similarly daunting task and equally as pointless. This entire campaign has been one giant mudslinging contest and it's finally come to an end... kind of.
It's only the day after and I've already seen a torrent of celebrities and Average Joes alike using phrases such as #notmypresident and #nevermypresident. I hate to break it to them (well, not really), but yes he is (as opposed to "yes we can", ha ha ha). George Walker Bush was your President, just as Barack Hussein Obama was mine, and Donald John Trump is ours. Of all the celebrity Tweets, it was former N*Sync star and current D-List celebrity Lance Bass who gave what I consider a classy concession statement regarding Trump's impending Presidency:
"I totally understand why this country has voted the way it has. The people are not happy. I respect that. Let's all please come together and influence this new President in a positive way. The country is speaking. Let's respect that and try to work together. I will try to influence this new President as much as I can and support them as much as I can. I pray that they believe in equality. I pray that they make this country a place my future children with gay parents can feel safe and thrive. Let us all try to understand why this country is upset. Let's please come together and love one another. We might not agree with everything a candidate supports, but We The People can still make our voices heard and guide this new President in the right direction. We still live in the greatest country in the world. Don't forget that! We are great and we will continue to get better!! #StrongerTogether"
Bass is completely correct: people are tired of the status-quo in Washington and in our government. For the DNC to nominate Hillary Clinton, who has over four decades of scandal, corruption, dishonesty, ill-gained wealth, hypocrisy, and innocent blood on her hands, was foolish. I contend if they'd nominated anyone else, someone with even the slightest bit of integrity who Middle America could believe in, they would've kicked Trump's ass. Instead they nominated a career politician who embodies everything wrong with Washington, D.C.
Regarding President Obama, his terms have seen record amounts of mass killings on American soil; civil unrest rivaling the most heated periods of protest during the Vietnam War; skyrocketing health care costs (made worse by his own "Affordable Care" act); many Millennials have turned into greedy, selfish brats whose feelings are more important than their accomplishments and who want everything given to them; and a level of partisan politics in Washington which has caused the government to be less effective than it's been in decades.
No wonder so many are craving change!
I'll admit to be astonished on many levels, particularly the fact Trump got more votes from ethnic minorities than Mitt Romney did in 2012. After his repeated tirades against Hispanics, threats to stop Muslim immigration, and a plethora of other offensive, boorish statements aimed at women and minorities, I'm surprised he even made it to the RNC Convention, let alone the election. As a white, middle-class man in his mid-thirties, my life experiences differ radically from those who Trump targeted with his statements. While I cannot empathize with how they may feel, I certainly understand their trepidation toward his Presidency.
For those who insist on being melodramatic and threatening a move to Canada: Leave. Get out and don't come back. Conservatives (and many moderates) have fought against President Obama for eight years, preferring to stand up for themselves rather than tucking tail and running. Part of what makes America great (sorry, Trump, it already is) is people standing up for their ideals, taking part in a democratic process. Running and hiding? You might as well be French.
The fact is we'll all survive and get through this. We may even be surprised at his successes, who knows? In Michigan, we elected a non-politician, a businessman, to be our Governor. Economically, we're doing better than we had in the years prior, and Detroit has begun mounting a comeback from 40-plus years of downfall. Trump is a businessman - often successful, sometimes a failure - but he sure isn't a politician. While I don't have a high level of confidence in him, I also cannot foresee his Presidency being as apocalyptic as his most vocal detractors are predicting.
I'd suggest he'll only be a one-term President but I've been wrong about his chances from the get-go. All we can do at this point is pray for the best, expect the worst, and end up somewhere in between. It's sure to be a wild ride.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
September 11, 2001: A Remembrance (Fifteen Years Later)
The catastrophic events of September 11, 2001 will stay with me forever. It was not necessarily the day the world changed, but for my generation, it was the day our world changed. The United States was fully drawn into the fight against global terrorism and Radical Islam. Of course, even a cursory glance at the prior twenty years' history in the Middle East shows America and other Western powers had been heavily involved already, but most of us remained ignorant to that until 9-11.
The sun is shining and the skies are clear, a warm and mild near-Autumn day as I'm typing this. The weather on that Tuesday was much the same; I remember sitting at the computer at my parents' house when my Mom called me from work and told me to turn the television on... trite as this may sound, the scenes of the first plane striking the World Trade Center was surreal. Could this really be happening? We stayed on the phone for awhile and kept watching, and then a second plane hit. What the hell was going on?
The rest of my morning at home is a bit blurry now until my twenty minute drive to Grand Valley State University. The local hard rock station, 94.5 WKLQ, had Howard Stern on in the mornings. On that morning, the perverse shock jock turned into an empathetic, serious journalist who many politicians and public figures called to be heard by the masses. His studios were within eye-shot of the Twin Towers and he was on the front lines of what soon was discovered to be a declaration of war against the USA and all of Western Culture.
I didn't know my Shakespeare class was cancelled until I arrived, so I lingered on an unusually subdued campus for awhile. At 19 and in college, the world had seemed so hopeful, with so much promise. Osama Bin Laden's attack shattered a lot of illusions for kids my age and younger. This was the first time we'd really heard of Al Qaeda or the Taliban, though they'd been growing in force for decades on the other side of the world.
I remember receiving e-mails from two friends in the military - one in the Navy and the other studying to become a Naval officer at the Virginia Military Institute. Both were okay but were understandably on high alert, and that communications from them could / would be limited until further notice. I was just glad my friends were unharmed.
I went to Jumpin' Java that evening, driving by Dewey Hill and seeing Grand Haven's beautiful waterfront looking so peaceful, a gorgeous sunset happening, as if nothing had changed. I was the only customer but didn't stay long. I went home to be with my family and we watched President Bush address the nation. I still believe on that evening, he did a magnificent job communicating what was happening and what the immediate plans were. Public speaking was normally not his strong suit but on that night, he shone.
I'm not going to debate the rights and wrongs of how President Bush and his team handled the war in the ensuing months and years. It would be a disservice to the 2,996 who died that day, and the tens of thousands whose lives were shattered. I wish people remembered the rise in patriotism shown in the months following, how there was a general feeling of unity in my community and across the nation. As of 9-11-16, our nation seems at its most socially and politically divided, more so than any time since the Vietnam era. We forget we have much more in common than we think.
My parents remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when President Kennedy was assassinated and I suspect the events of 9-11-01 will be the same for folks my age. My kids weren't even alive yet, so to them, it's literally history. In my mind's eye, much of it remains fresh and vivid. On that particular day and in the immediate aftermath, America was at its finest.
The sun is shining and the skies are clear, a warm and mild near-Autumn day as I'm typing this. The weather on that Tuesday was much the same; I remember sitting at the computer at my parents' house when my Mom called me from work and told me to turn the television on... trite as this may sound, the scenes of the first plane striking the World Trade Center was surreal. Could this really be happening? We stayed on the phone for awhile and kept watching, and then a second plane hit. What the hell was going on?
The rest of my morning at home is a bit blurry now until my twenty minute drive to Grand Valley State University. The local hard rock station, 94.5 WKLQ, had Howard Stern on in the mornings. On that morning, the perverse shock jock turned into an empathetic, serious journalist who many politicians and public figures called to be heard by the masses. His studios were within eye-shot of the Twin Towers and he was on the front lines of what soon was discovered to be a declaration of war against the USA and all of Western Culture.
I didn't know my Shakespeare class was cancelled until I arrived, so I lingered on an unusually subdued campus for awhile. At 19 and in college, the world had seemed so hopeful, with so much promise. Osama Bin Laden's attack shattered a lot of illusions for kids my age and younger. This was the first time we'd really heard of Al Qaeda or the Taliban, though they'd been growing in force for decades on the other side of the world.
I remember receiving e-mails from two friends in the military - one in the Navy and the other studying to become a Naval officer at the Virginia Military Institute. Both were okay but were understandably on high alert, and that communications from them could / would be limited until further notice. I was just glad my friends were unharmed.
I went to Jumpin' Java that evening, driving by Dewey Hill and seeing Grand Haven's beautiful waterfront looking so peaceful, a gorgeous sunset happening, as if nothing had changed. I was the only customer but didn't stay long. I went home to be with my family and we watched President Bush address the nation. I still believe on that evening, he did a magnificent job communicating what was happening and what the immediate plans were. Public speaking was normally not his strong suit but on that night, he shone.
I'm not going to debate the rights and wrongs of how President Bush and his team handled the war in the ensuing months and years. It would be a disservice to the 2,996 who died that day, and the tens of thousands whose lives were shattered. I wish people remembered the rise in patriotism shown in the months following, how there was a general feeling of unity in my community and across the nation. As of 9-11-16, our nation seems at its most socially and politically divided, more so than any time since the Vietnam era. We forget we have much more in common than we think.
My parents remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when President Kennedy was assassinated and I suspect the events of 9-11-01 will be the same for folks my age. My kids weren't even alive yet, so to them, it's literally history. In my mind's eye, much of it remains fresh and vivid. On that particular day and in the immediate aftermath, America was at its finest.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Small Town Life
I was listening to Wilco on my iPod while sipping Sumatra blend coffee and reading a Danish murder mystery this morning while occupying a window seat at a local coffee shop.
Not a bad first sentence to set the scene, eh?
Grand Haven's downtown is comprised of all small businesses, save a few big-name national banks, and Jumpin' Java has been located there for fourteen years (and directly on the waterfront for a few years before that). My friends and I spent most of our time there in my late teens and early twenties and I still enjoy visiting occasionally. The owner has resisted selling out to Starbucks (we have three in town, certainly no need for more!) and has kept the place more-or-less the same after nearly two decades of ownership. It's comfortable and familiar.
Across the street is a shoe store and in between chapters of my book, I noticed a woman in her mid-fifties or so (maybe older, maybe younger - it's hard to tell these days when 60 has become the new 40, or so the sixty-year-olds say). Anyway, she was older and presumably an employee of the shoe store, and was sweeping the cobwebs away from the entry to the store, as well as the sidewalk out front. I was stricken by her attention to detail and though I have no need of an overpriced pair of sandals, if I did, I'd go there because of the employee's attention to detail.
As I neared the local Public Safety building walking home, I saw the lights of a police cruiser suddently go on. My first thought was, "Well, that can't be good," but once I got closer, I saw one of our hometown cops giving a tour of the vehicle to a family with two young children who appeared to have been walking by and gotten the officer's attention. No emergency, no problem - just positive community policing.
As of July, 2016 there were just over 11,000 residents of the City of Grand Haven. This number fluctuates by a thousand or so every few years and inflates during the summer; being a small town on the coast of Lake Michigan makes it a desirable get-away for City Folk. We are Coast Guard City U.S.A., as proclaimed officially by President Clinton in the 90s, and have a few other big local / regional events throughout the year.
My Dad emigrated in the late 70s from the distant, snow-covered tundra of Scarborough, Ontario, Canada (the east end of Toronto). He's lived here thirty-seven years but still considers himself a big city kinda guy; I can appreciate big cities. I've been to Toronto, Chicago, Detroit, Edinburgh, London (Ontario and England), and Washington D.C. Michigan's second-largest city, Grand Rapids, is about forty minutes from my house. The blending of cultures, the restaurants, shops, events, museums, and other life options far outweigh small town life (we do, however, have both a Meijer and Wal-Mart, as well as the accursed trio of Starbucks).
To me, though, what big cities lack is attention to minutiae. I could be totally off, never having spent more than a few days in a big city. But smaller towns offer a chance to appreciate the smaller, noticeable details that make up daily existence - at least on a manageable level. The cop showing lights to the kids, the woman sweeping the shop door, the fact I can walk seven blocks from my house to downtown without fear of someone bumping in to me or harassing me, is a positive attribute to living in a small town. I appreciate this kind of thing.
I have nothing against big cities or those who thrive on living there and the excitement they offer... it's just not for me.
Not a bad first sentence to set the scene, eh?
Grand Haven's downtown is comprised of all small businesses, save a few big-name national banks, and Jumpin' Java has been located there for fourteen years (and directly on the waterfront for a few years before that). My friends and I spent most of our time there in my late teens and early twenties and I still enjoy visiting occasionally. The owner has resisted selling out to Starbucks (we have three in town, certainly no need for more!) and has kept the place more-or-less the same after nearly two decades of ownership. It's comfortable and familiar.
Across the street is a shoe store and in between chapters of my book, I noticed a woman in her mid-fifties or so (maybe older, maybe younger - it's hard to tell these days when 60 has become the new 40, or so the sixty-year-olds say). Anyway, she was older and presumably an employee of the shoe store, and was sweeping the cobwebs away from the entry to the store, as well as the sidewalk out front. I was stricken by her attention to detail and though I have no need of an overpriced pair of sandals, if I did, I'd go there because of the employee's attention to detail.
As I neared the local Public Safety building walking home, I saw the lights of a police cruiser suddently go on. My first thought was, "Well, that can't be good," but once I got closer, I saw one of our hometown cops giving a tour of the vehicle to a family with two young children who appeared to have been walking by and gotten the officer's attention. No emergency, no problem - just positive community policing.
As of July, 2016 there were just over 11,000 residents of the City of Grand Haven. This number fluctuates by a thousand or so every few years and inflates during the summer; being a small town on the coast of Lake Michigan makes it a desirable get-away for City Folk. We are Coast Guard City U.S.A., as proclaimed officially by President Clinton in the 90s, and have a few other big local / regional events throughout the year.
My Dad emigrated in the late 70s from the distant, snow-covered tundra of Scarborough, Ontario, Canada (the east end of Toronto). He's lived here thirty-seven years but still considers himself a big city kinda guy; I can appreciate big cities. I've been to Toronto, Chicago, Detroit, Edinburgh, London (Ontario and England), and Washington D.C. Michigan's second-largest city, Grand Rapids, is about forty minutes from my house. The blending of cultures, the restaurants, shops, events, museums, and other life options far outweigh small town life (we do, however, have both a Meijer and Wal-Mart, as well as the accursed trio of Starbucks).
To me, though, what big cities lack is attention to minutiae. I could be totally off, never having spent more than a few days in a big city. But smaller towns offer a chance to appreciate the smaller, noticeable details that make up daily existence - at least on a manageable level. The cop showing lights to the kids, the woman sweeping the shop door, the fact I can walk seven blocks from my house to downtown without fear of someone bumping in to me or harassing me, is a positive attribute to living in a small town. I appreciate this kind of thing.
I have nothing against big cities or those who thrive on living there and the excitement they offer... it's just not for me.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
One in Four
My wife suffered a miscarriage last fall. Last week - the first full week of June, 2016 - is when our baby would've been born. It's been an emotionally tough time lately.
We only had our baby for a week; we found out she was pregnant and she lost the baby just over a week later. It may not seem like much to some and it certainly wasn't a long time. But something we created, a human life, existed on this planet. Some people around us may have forgotten, and others may not want to bring it up because it's a sad and uncomfortable subject.
I firmly believe life begins at the moment of conception. This has nothing to do with the Catholic Church telling me so, but it is one of the many reasons I belong to the Church. It has to do with morals, a conscious belief that just because something hasn't taken its first independent breath doesn't mean a life doesn't exist. It absolutely does.
The pregnancy was a surprise, unplanned but not unwelcome... after the initial shock wore off. At first I was terrified and she was quite nervous, too. Our family & friends were supportive and the kids looked forward to it. We assured them that the love we had for them would not be affected by a new baby. We even posted a picture with our shoes and birth dates along with a pair of little tiny shoes drawn in chalk with the expected arrival date.
She knew something was wrong the next week and we spent a lot of time in the hospital. On the Friday when it was confirmed, when she called me at work to tell me the miscarriage had really happened, I rushed home from work and we spent a tear-filled afternoon holding each other, not saying much but comforting one another. It was one of the saddest, emotionally painful days of my life. My wife - a woman who knew from an early age she was meant to have kids and is the best Mom in the world to the ones we have - was robbed of another chance.
In the aftermath, the weeks immediately following, we were both on edge and communication between us was almost nil. Finally we confessed that we both held ourselves to blame, that there must've been something wrong with ourselves and our DNA, but that wasn't really the case. A miscarriage is nature's way of saying something was wrong and the baby wasn't meant to be and we know that. We also know that a soul, despite being unborn, is in Heaven and we both hope to meet her one day (yes, we both felt it would've been a little girl).
For a few weeks afterward I said hello to her out there in the sky as I was driving to work. I occasionally still do when I'm driving, or sitting out on the deck, or the thought of last Fall comes to mind... it's tough. But I wouldn't want to forget it, either.
So why am I writing about this subject? Because I need to, for me. Because we found out that one in four pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Some women may not even realize they've had one, and some have many and suffer over and over the same emotional heartbreak my wife did. I can't fathom the hurt they must feel and my heart & prayers go out to them all. We found out some women in our lives had them and never shared their story with us until we, too, had gone through it.
You may also be wondering why I'm using the term "we" here. I didn't suffer the physical loss, or the hormonal shifts afterward, or the postpartum depression. But as a man who fathered a child I'll never get to meet, it still cut me deeply, both in losing the child and seeing my wife - my soulmate - hurt like she did. I love her and when she's hurting, I'm hurting.
I'll end by saying this to those who've suffered this: you're not alone. It hurts like hell and things may never be quite the same, but you will be okay. I promise.
We only had our baby for a week; we found out she was pregnant and she lost the baby just over a week later. It may not seem like much to some and it certainly wasn't a long time. But something we created, a human life, existed on this planet. Some people around us may have forgotten, and others may not want to bring it up because it's a sad and uncomfortable subject.
I firmly believe life begins at the moment of conception. This has nothing to do with the Catholic Church telling me so, but it is one of the many reasons I belong to the Church. It has to do with morals, a conscious belief that just because something hasn't taken its first independent breath doesn't mean a life doesn't exist. It absolutely does.
The pregnancy was a surprise, unplanned but not unwelcome... after the initial shock wore off. At first I was terrified and she was quite nervous, too. Our family & friends were supportive and the kids looked forward to it. We assured them that the love we had for them would not be affected by a new baby. We even posted a picture with our shoes and birth dates along with a pair of little tiny shoes drawn in chalk with the expected arrival date.
She knew something was wrong the next week and we spent a lot of time in the hospital. On the Friday when it was confirmed, when she called me at work to tell me the miscarriage had really happened, I rushed home from work and we spent a tear-filled afternoon holding each other, not saying much but comforting one another. It was one of the saddest, emotionally painful days of my life. My wife - a woman who knew from an early age she was meant to have kids and is the best Mom in the world to the ones we have - was robbed of another chance.
In the aftermath, the weeks immediately following, we were both on edge and communication between us was almost nil. Finally we confessed that we both held ourselves to blame, that there must've been something wrong with ourselves and our DNA, but that wasn't really the case. A miscarriage is nature's way of saying something was wrong and the baby wasn't meant to be and we know that. We also know that a soul, despite being unborn, is in Heaven and we both hope to meet her one day (yes, we both felt it would've been a little girl).
For a few weeks afterward I said hello to her out there in the sky as I was driving to work. I occasionally still do when I'm driving, or sitting out on the deck, or the thought of last Fall comes to mind... it's tough. But I wouldn't want to forget it, either.
So why am I writing about this subject? Because I need to, for me. Because we found out that one in four pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Some women may not even realize they've had one, and some have many and suffer over and over the same emotional heartbreak my wife did. I can't fathom the hurt they must feel and my heart & prayers go out to them all. We found out some women in our lives had them and never shared their story with us until we, too, had gone through it.
You may also be wondering why I'm using the term "we" here. I didn't suffer the physical loss, or the hormonal shifts afterward, or the postpartum depression. But as a man who fathered a child I'll never get to meet, it still cut me deeply, both in losing the child and seeing my wife - my soulmate - hurt like she did. I love her and when she's hurting, I'm hurting.
I'll end by saying this to those who've suffered this: you're not alone. It hurts like hell and things may never be quite the same, but you will be okay. I promise.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
My Faith: In the Beginning
I'm Catholic and proud to be so.
I wasn't raised Catholic; I wasn't raised in any Christian church though I was baptized Lutheran at four years old. I still remember it - all of the cousins were baptized at St. John's Lutheran church in Grand Haven, MI. I was little and to this day don't know exactly why that particular church was chosen. My grandmother's family was part of the Reformed church but my parents were married at St. John's, but why none of the others older than me had been baptized, I have no idea.
Grand Haven has more churches per square mile than most small communities and I tried a few in high school. The Baptist church in particular scared me because of how judgmental it was and how they believed only those who saw things exactly as they did were Heaven-bound. Another church was teaching its congregation not to fraternize with anyone who didn't attend its services because it was right, andanyone else would lead its members to Hell. Yes, I'm serious about that.
Pretty heavy stuff and certainly uncomfortable for me.
Then at age twenty, a friend of mine began RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation for Adults) classes through the local (and only) Catholic church in Grand Haven. Because of the Dutch Protestant heritage, there was a hefty anti-Catholic sentiment in our town. Even my own mother once made a comment about brain-washing... then again, the only times she's stepped foot in any church in the last forty-plus years is for weddings and funerals.
He invited me to come to these classes and I said yes. I don't know why, other than curiosity to find out more about a church and faith that held such mystery to me. I'd never been much for organized religion of any kind (especially given the experiences above), and was bordering on agnosticism...
Anyway, I began attending informational classes and eventually attended Mass for the first time in November 2002. I sat off to the side of the congregation and didn't participate much, but something happened to me that I'd never experienced before: I felt comfortable. I felt at home. A light was lit inside me.
I attended every RCIA class and dove into my new-found faith with fervor. I read books, watched documentaries, attended Mass, befriended older members of the church to find out about their personal histories, and generally took to the Catholic faith like a fish to water.
The people of the church were friendly, the staff was helpful, and the priest - Father Bill Langlois, of whom I've written about many times - was & remains one of the most inspirational people in my life. Catholic or not, he treats everyone with respect and dignity, with open arms and welcomes them as friends. While he would have obvious disagreements with other Christian denominations (and faiths), he never condemns them or accuses their church leaders of leading them astray or toward eternal damnation. That is an example we should all aspire to.
(My best friend is an agnostic and we've had many positive discussions about church, faith, and what it takes to be a good person. I disagree with him but don't judge him)
I was confirmed into the Catholic Church on Easter, 2003. It stands as one of the few moments when my life was flooded with pure joy and I'll never forget the feeling of peace, of happiness, that filled my soul that night. Everyone I knew recognized the difference in me: I was filled with the Holy Spirit, even if that's not how they felt. And they were happy for me, including my Mom.
For many people, including a lot of Catholics themselves, reconciling the Church's bloody past (the Inquisitions, anyone?) and modern-day shame (abuse scandals) is hard. I actually joined the church at the height of that scandal and to this day, I'm certain the abusive priests and those who covered it up have a special place in Hell waiting for them. There's no defending those who hurt children.
But personally, I see it like this: the Church is imperfect and always will be because it is lead by Man. The faith - that Christ is my Savior and I will reach Heaven only through Him - is perfect. I don't agree with every decision or detail about the Church but its morals and mine are on the same wavelength. That isn't affected by any priest or Pope (though Pope Francis is certainly one of the better leaders our Church has seen in a long time).
I wasn't raised Catholic; I wasn't raised in any Christian church though I was baptized Lutheran at four years old. I still remember it - all of the cousins were baptized at St. John's Lutheran church in Grand Haven, MI. I was little and to this day don't know exactly why that particular church was chosen. My grandmother's family was part of the Reformed church but my parents were married at St. John's, but why none of the others older than me had been baptized, I have no idea.
Grand Haven has more churches per square mile than most small communities and I tried a few in high school. The Baptist church in particular scared me because of how judgmental it was and how they believed only those who saw things exactly as they did were Heaven-bound. Another church was teaching its congregation not to fraternize with anyone who didn't attend its services because it was right, andanyone else would lead its members to Hell. Yes, I'm serious about that.
Pretty heavy stuff and certainly uncomfortable for me.
Then at age twenty, a friend of mine began RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation for Adults) classes through the local (and only) Catholic church in Grand Haven. Because of the Dutch Protestant heritage, there was a hefty anti-Catholic sentiment in our town. Even my own mother once made a comment about brain-washing... then again, the only times she's stepped foot in any church in the last forty-plus years is for weddings and funerals.
He invited me to come to these classes and I said yes. I don't know why, other than curiosity to find out more about a church and faith that held such mystery to me. I'd never been much for organized religion of any kind (especially given the experiences above), and was bordering on agnosticism...
Anyway, I began attending informational classes and eventually attended Mass for the first time in November 2002. I sat off to the side of the congregation and didn't participate much, but something happened to me that I'd never experienced before: I felt comfortable. I felt at home. A light was lit inside me.
I attended every RCIA class and dove into my new-found faith with fervor. I read books, watched documentaries, attended Mass, befriended older members of the church to find out about their personal histories, and generally took to the Catholic faith like a fish to water.
The people of the church were friendly, the staff was helpful, and the priest - Father Bill Langlois, of whom I've written about many times - was & remains one of the most inspirational people in my life. Catholic or not, he treats everyone with respect and dignity, with open arms and welcomes them as friends. While he would have obvious disagreements with other Christian denominations (and faiths), he never condemns them or accuses their church leaders of leading them astray or toward eternal damnation. That is an example we should all aspire to.
(My best friend is an agnostic and we've had many positive discussions about church, faith, and what it takes to be a good person. I disagree with him but don't judge him)
I was confirmed into the Catholic Church on Easter, 2003. It stands as one of the few moments when my life was flooded with pure joy and I'll never forget the feeling of peace, of happiness, that filled my soul that night. Everyone I knew recognized the difference in me: I was filled with the Holy Spirit, even if that's not how they felt. And they were happy for me, including my Mom.
For many people, including a lot of Catholics themselves, reconciling the Church's bloody past (the Inquisitions, anyone?) and modern-day shame (abuse scandals) is hard. I actually joined the church at the height of that scandal and to this day, I'm certain the abusive priests and those who covered it up have a special place in Hell waiting for them. There's no defending those who hurt children.
But personally, I see it like this: the Church is imperfect and always will be because it is lead by Man. The faith - that Christ is my Savior and I will reach Heaven only through Him - is perfect. I don't agree with every decision or detail about the Church but its morals and mine are on the same wavelength. That isn't affected by any priest or Pope (though Pope Francis is certainly one of the better leaders our Church has seen in a long time).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)